Big Wide World

crazy crazy busy. what's up with life all just coming together and bombarding me?? i haven't slept well in over a week, got my first migraine in like half a year (and it was a doozie), and its just been non-stop GO GO GO.

easter was nice. saturday we had a huge family reunion with aunts and cousins that we haven't seen in like 20 years. the line "oh my god, i haven't seen you since you were this big" was said A LOT. but it was nice. i met to cousins around my age that i used to play with back in the ol' country. but i did get the migraine that night and sat in the cold dark car for an hour because i couldn't take the lights.
then easter breakfast was at my house, and there were like 15 people here. my mom decided to "surprise" me and invited the family from the night before to my condo. wow. lots of people, small space, fun.
but ever since it's been busier and busier. but athabasca is done, finally. and after 6 more assignments and 5 exams, i'll be free for the summer.
going down the list of check-marks and its slowly getting shorter, but all i care about right now is sleep. i wish this update was more exciting but i'm just too tired right now.
on the bright side, i'm waiting for my huge income tax return and i'm going shopping soon. that will make it all better.

so anyone mildly entertained by the pathetic nature of ego stroking in the form of glorified titles like "product transportation technician", i have to add another one that i had forgotten about. christine reminded me that when we were at dixie mall, the second cup employees were called "certified coffee technicians". apparently the madness is everywhere, and its been here for a while. thanks chris.

otherwise, its been a busy week, and its going to continue being busy. but just like 4 more weeks and i'm free for a while, so i'm going to start calling all my friends i've neglected and we're getting together. by that time, i'll be nice so we can sit on the balcony and watch the lake.

GIMME A BREAK
is this too much for anyone??? come on now, i know that we live in a world of bleeding heart liberals, and treehuggers, and politically correct god forbid if we should offend anyone or-make them feel bad about themselves, but there has to be a limit. and the limit has come and gone for me, but for anyone else, this should be THE limit. one of the companies that we deal with decided (for whatever reason) that they needed to boost the ego's of their delivery people, and they are now "product transportation technicians". Give me a break. do we really live in the kind of world in which we have to glorify our titles to feel better about ourselves. deal with the station in life that you've chosen, or do something about it. but in the end, changing your title and making it simply sound impressive doesn't mean anything. you're still just a glorified delivery guy.

bought my first cds in like, oh, i don't know, five years or something. this is how i figure it. i'll download music if there's only one or two songs that i wanna hear from a particular artist. i'm not buying a whole cd full of crap for just two songs, mathematically, it doens't make sense. if artists and recording companies want me to buy music again, f^**%$ work harder and produce some shit worth listening to. and when i do find an artist that has a great cd, then i'll give over my money to them. and today, for the first time in years (with the exception of jack johnson whom i love but bern made me a copy), i actually went out and bought "JEM" and "SCISSOR SISTERS". and both are awesome.
jem's "just a ride", "they", and "come on closer" are my favs on the cd.
as for scissor sisters, there are soo many great songs but the favs are "laura", "filthy/gorgeous", and "better luck". here's some lyrics from "filthy...": when you're runnin from a trick/and you trip on a hit of acid/gotta keep your shit together... you're an acid junkie college flunky dirty puppy daddy bastard". come on, that's fabulous. highly recommend.
gotta go plan out my details for making my politically incorrect beaters. i'm so wearing them this summer.

serious messed up twisted humour. adj's site is up and running. it's the history and update of her messed up relationship with her hick husband jeb. this started like 2nd year b.u. and we've (sadly cause we're twisted) kept it going. so, if you want soome messed up humour to brighter your day (check all seriousness and political correctness at the door) then check out her site. nancy will understand cause she knows us, otherwise, for those that don't, lol- i'm sorry.
p.s. my husband is dwight

today, i laughed so hard in class that we made the teacher chuckle (laughter is in fact contagious), and got a little spotlighted for it too. my friends are ridiculous and if you're going to be drawing mean but funny pictures that depict ppl in a less than flattering light, don't do it in class (kasia!!!). i had tears in my eyes, and i couldn't stop laughing. and being in an economics class, you know that it wasn't the subject matter of the lecture that was doing it. and then, people tell me that i'm not politically correct or that i'm mean. ummm, yeah, i'm not the one drawing pictures (again, kasia!!!!!!!). too funny though. thanks for the laugh. i'm scan the pic and it'll be my msn pic so if you wanna see it, just look there.

adrienne, where's that trailer trash blog babe??? i'm waiting for it cause its gonna be sick....

i'm finally going to going out, yey to me. i think i'm heading out for st. pat's day. and then dna on friday and perhaps mink on sat. we'll see how much i can take, esp. cause i have school stuff and work. we'll see how old i really am. happy st. patrick's day everyone.

i think that i'm feeling a little... trapped.... stagnant..... bored.... and the list goes on and on. its nothing in particular, i think its just one of those moods that comes and goes sometimes when you're stressed, we you don't see any end to it, and you just want to escape. and in those moments i remind myself that it's my life, that everything i do, no matter how it seems, is a choice, and the way that the days go are a byproduct of my mood and how i decide to play out that day. i repeat this to myself whenever i'm feeling like i'm feeling now, and i instantly get new ideas. and sometimes, even when i don't do anything about it, just knowing that i don't HAVE to do this medial task or that one, its not so depressing to do them anymore.
also, i got a hint of my future (if i decide to move and if i move to where i'm supposed to) and i don't think i like it. so, i have to reconsider all of this.
basically, i'm in need of some serious long vacation therapy.
no wait, i just figured it out - its just time to change my hair. lol

instead of doing productive things that will ensure me a future, i went the other way and spent most of the day dancing in my livingroom, listening to old CASSETTES (Nine Inch Nails, Meat Loaf-Bat out of Hell 2, and Another Bad Creation- the ultimate mix isn't it?), and talking to adj who convinced me that with my legal background i could in fact (despite my trailer trash controlling bf named dwight who beats me b/c he loves me) establish the interactive paraphenilia drug museum set on a mobile boat in the middle of a ghetto. yeah. for anyone that knows what me and adj are like when we have a conversation, this is of no wonder to you (she's messed- lol). for those of you that don't know us when we get together, be afraid, be very afraid- and more importantly, realize that the trailer trash bf and museum only exist in our own little world. but you should see the looks when we talk about it or retell it to others. she's going to get a blog up just about this, specifally about her relationship with her controlled white trash bf Jeb.

on to the other thing i wanted to mention. i was watching that fantastic tv channel that we have in toronto (citytv, and i use the word fantastic loosly), and there was a show on about a man and his doll. yes, doll, and not blow-up, but full our plastic doll that he could be "intimate" with, but that he treats like a real person, and sleeps with, watches tv with, and everything else with. so, is this just me being too conservative b/c i don't get it, or is this the ultimate being afraid of real women and real life and retreating into some twisted reality. hey, if you think i'm being judgmental and conservative, totally admitting that i am. i'm trying to understand, and be sympathetic, but... no, sorry, i just don't get it.

hey guys. hot hot heat is having a concert in toronto on apr 23. it's at the kool haus for $24, at 8pm (saturday). who's coming with me??? its right after exams, so chill time. get it out of your system party. ok, i know that for some of you, its not really your thing, but i know that some of you would enjoy it. call me

or, if you're into that, the little shop of horrors is coming to stage at toronto isabel bader theatre. 8pm march 23-25. i'm SO willing to take off work one of those days and go see it.

p.s. cannot get enough of Scissor Sisters, esp. "Laura" and "take your mama". some will recognize "monkey baby" from kill bill. vol.2

well, i need to write this more for me than anyone else. i'm on the verge of making the decision that i'm quitting smoking. first time in my life that i actually want to and i know that once i say that's it, that'll be it. but i'm literally on the edge. plus there are some other things that i need to do so maybe 2005 will the year for all this "i realize finally that i'm mortal" and i need to take care of things. wow, so this is what it feels like to be a grown up???!!! my eyes are widening and i'm taking a first look around.
now, what will i do with myself to fill that habit of smoking. its not so much at home b/c i don't really smoke at home, its when i'm out, or at work when i'm bored. as soon as i find a suitable alternative, i'm done. the only minus i see here- when i went out i liked to drink and smoke, now that i'm not going to be smoking, i might start drinking more. the sacrifices.

p.s guys. i love you and i know that you're all going to want to tell me what a good idea this is and all that other stuff, but don't. i'm good with no comments about it. it just makes me defensive.

you know, i realized that i haven't had any of my violent nightmares anymore. not in a while. and while i'm pleasantly relieved, i'm also kind of troubled by it. its comforting and a little disturbing that i'm not having them anymore, and for those that i've discussed this with, they'll know why.

on the weirder news, i had a stange experience this morning. i woke up startled, by NOTHING, but none the less startled, and i hear my mother's voice outside my door, which is strange since she doesn't live with me. so i got up, and went to the door, still hearing her call my name. and when i got to the door, she wasn't there. then i called her on her cell, and she was at work. losing it a little?? hope not. lol.

when i', needing a boost, there is nothing better than laughing at quotes made by famous people. especially people that are supposed to be shaping our society. everyday i realize that there are so many people that hold the jobs and the status in life that they have b/c they GOT LUCKY, had money, or influential parents.
so i have to try some other gimmick, b/c i have none of those. ha ha.
anyways, when i read the quote: "i would not live forever, b/c we should not live forever, b/c if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why i would not live forever.", i feel immensely better about myself instantly. or how about this one: "it's not exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or another" (bush). come on now, how could you not be motivated by that? instant upper. you don't need antidepressants, just get on the net and read stupid quotes by important famous people. enjoy

so i'm a geek.. yeah, i know you know it, but i didn't know it. until this morning.

yesterday i hadn't eaten anything since like noon, and i was really tired, and i wanted to fall asleep but i couldn't so i had some wine to help me go to bed. but it apparently went straight to my head, and i got drunk. yeah, that's right. i got drunk off a half a bottle (apparently after the first glass i had another). so i didn't get to do anything fun, but, this morning, i still had to pay for it with a nice hangover. well, that's one for the books and something i'm not looking forward to repeating.

its ridiculous how tired i am right now. why do i do this to myself??? yeah, i well, i know that answer- tendencies of masochism?? maybe. anyway, just one more assignment to go for a.u. and then an exam, before the end of march, and a couple of assignments for h.c. and in a month and a half i'm partying so hard that i'm not going to be able to walk home by myself. i'm going to need a designated marshall. nancy, any pointers, i seem to have forgotten how to party and drink. scary.
oh well, c'est la vie.

alright now. i think that it's that time that i need to just forget about all the school work that i have to do, and just go out and dance hard core. it's come around again where i just need to get it out of my system. were are mags, jay and rad when i need them. time to party. i'm taking chelsey up on the offer and we're hitting the town. who's in????

for my girls

www.offthemark.com

this one made juice come out of my nose.

i realized today that sometimes it's easier to deal with the big things then it is to deal with the little ones. maybe cause with the little ones, it's hard to know whether they are in fact important and need to be said out loud, or whether they're just something that you're made important simply b/c you won't let it go. well, either way that's going to be a subjective answer.

i'm trying to finish work for school, maybe that's why i have so many random things running through my head, another way to procrastinate. and we all know, i'm the queen.

the monitor i bought has this weird vertical line running through it that won't go away. i think there's something wrong with it so now i have go return it. i love when i buy something brand new, and it's damaged. on the bright side, more money in the bank..

ciocia (aunt) and wojek (uncle) were at my place tonight. came for coffee. it was nice, ciocia loves my place and doesn't want me to move more than i do. anyway, it was a nice evening. i've gotten to that comfortable age that i enjoy an evening with family and coffee (and jazz).

also, i've started thinking about what else i wanna do professionally, and i have like three things that i wanna do and thinking, hey, i'm a modern woman, i can do everything i wanna do. and one of them is a possible partnership with a certain someone in opening a business (have to think this through cause its new to me so don't really wanna get into it). but there are other things that i wanna do, and, apparently, someone thinks that they see me as a teacher. huh, i wonder. anyway, lots and lots to consider.

and if things go right, and i move into the apartment in my mother's house, i could do them all cause i'd have more money and more time. i'm really getting used to the idea of living in a separate apartment, but in the same house as my mom. and it's bigger than my condo now, so that's a plus. but in the future, i'm still going to move into that perfect loft that i've got my heart set on. for now though, i think it's a good idea.

you know when you're hard up for... shopping... when you'll but ANYTHING that you first see when you walk into your favourity store. i walked into my fav store and bought a silk scarf, black, with green and yellow and cream polka dots. no kidding. actually, it's cute. but still.

you know you.... have too many purses..... when..... upon consideration of moving, you can't move into a suite b/c there isn't enough closet space to fit them all. true story.

it's back to school on monday. this week went by soooo quick, its frustrating. but i've only got like a month and a half left before summer so i think i can make it. two more years. aaaaaahhhh. i've gotten to that point that i just think it'll never be over, and i'm going to be in school FOREVER.

i figured it out. it took 7 hours, and a lot of near fatal moments of my computer going through the window and over the balcony, but i managed to get the wirelss network going. always something. now i have to figure out which way of syncing i'm going to use for all my files. and, i bought the external monitor that i wanted and it's working great. so i think i'm all set. christmas has come early. life is good.

ok, i bought everything i need to establish a wireless network between my computers to transfer files. now, here's the thing- how the hell do i set them up????? i'm so lost. jay???? send me a link or something. should i just hire someone to come to my house and do it??? argggggg.

well, i'm back from ottawa. thanks mags and jay for making it a great stay. we got to catch up a lot, and just hung out- we made dinner (well, jay made dinner), and we went out for dinner (where i think we made some people leave- or it was the menu they didn't like, not sure but funny), and went out for drinks. it was just a nice relaxing time. and i went into a mall for like 15 minutes and spent over a $100. i'm a pro- what can i say. and for anyone that knows me at all, they'll know that most of that money went into (?)....... purses. i'm seriously thinking about starting up my own business, i'm looking into it.

so now i have lots to do, with finishing athabasca, and then doing an assign for humber and studying for an exam. plus, i need to figure out how to establish a home network (two computers and exchanging files is becoming annoying), and so many other little things. there just aren't enough hours in the day to do everything. and i HAVE to call some friends that i haven't seen in forever and get together with them. plus, getting together with my group to start on the legal research paper. man, i'm so behind on everthing.

and jay and mags, i've checked into my comps, and external monitors don't just mirror, so i'm buying that external monitor for more productivity. so excited.

so that's the news for now. rad's b-day was last week but i won't get to see him till i don't know when so i don't have to think about a gift now. but more b-days are coming. brain will explode soon.