Big Wide World

well, i need to write this more for me than anyone else. i'm on the verge of making the decision that i'm quitting smoking. first time in my life that i actually want to and i know that once i say that's it, that'll be it. but i'm literally on the edge. plus there are some other things that i need to do so maybe 2005 will the year for all this "i realize finally that i'm mortal" and i need to take care of things. wow, so this is what it feels like to be a grown up???!!! my eyes are widening and i'm taking a first look around.
now, what will i do with myself to fill that habit of smoking. its not so much at home b/c i don't really smoke at home, its when i'm out, or at work when i'm bored. as soon as i find a suitable alternative, i'm done. the only minus i see here- when i went out i liked to drink and smoke, now that i'm not going to be smoking, i might start drinking more. the sacrifices.

p.s guys. i love you and i know that you're all going to want to tell me what a good idea this is and all that other stuff, but don't. i'm good with no comments about it. it just makes me defensive.