Thursday, June 29, 2006
would a plain chair work as well?
just b/c i love to share with my friends, i will share with you the stupidest things that i heard today. beware, you might also start seeing some villages without their idiots.
1. excuse for getting pulled over for bad driving - "the teddy bear did it" -pointing to a big
teddy bear that was in the car;
2. trying to get away - on a bar stool;
3. car chase - until runs out of gas - then instead of running, trying to get away by pushing the
car;
4. going into a bank, handing the teller a written note: this is a rubbery;
5. breaking into a fireworks warehouse - with a torch;
6. taking cocaine into a police station - to complain that its substandard.
finally, just for a bit of irony, stealing a sign that said "beware thieves".
1. excuse for getting pulled over for bad driving - "the teddy bear did it" -pointing to a big
teddy bear that was in the car;
2. trying to get away - on a bar stool;
3. car chase - until runs out of gas - then instead of running, trying to get away by pushing the
car;
4. going into a bank, handing the teller a written note: this is a rubbery;
5. breaking into a fireworks warehouse - with a torch;
6. taking cocaine into a police station - to complain that its substandard.
finally, just for a bit of irony, stealing a sign that said "beware thieves".
Monday, June 19, 2006
Geek it up
i have mentioned before that i think that i'm pretty good at self-evaluation. and i can prove it.
self-evaluation means that you can look within and admit the things that you do, good or bad. well, i'm here to admit that self-evaluation has made me realize that i'm a loser. a geek, geekish if you will. oh, i know... impossible... you say. especially my friends who know me for the ever so sophisticated.... shut it. i can hear you laughing.
ok, so i've been known to fall on my ass in the middle of a crowded dance floor, and other slightly less that elegant moments. you don't sprain your right ankle 5 times and your left ankle 6 times by not being a loser (hey, i have a perfectly good explanation for every single sprain. can i help it if i'm doing a conga line drunk on the steap stadium stairs?).
but recently i've realized that the older i get, the more geekish i get. mind you, in a few years, i will have to give up the word geekish (which is still "oh, that's funny but kind of cute"), to embarassing. but i still have a few years for that. now, let me tell you the two things that i realized i do that make me quite the geek.
1. when i cheer for something or when i like something that i see on tv, when i'm watching alone, i cheer out loud and i clap my hands. but that pathetic kind of really speedy silent clap. you know the one, every valley girl has done it in every badly stereotyped teeny bopper movie.
2. when i hear something funny, i will repeat it back to myself quietly, and laugh. (example: one of the guys on 'the daily show' was doing a telephone interview and said something to the effect of "while there is no 'i' in we, there are two in 'dickishness'" - and i said to myself with noone else in the room "dickish" ha ha.)
they're small things, yes, hardly worth the mention. but they're little things that are adding up to make me more and more geekish as i get older. also, i'm think i'm kind of amuzed at how much of a loser i am.
self-evaluation means that you can look within and admit the things that you do, good or bad. well, i'm here to admit that self-evaluation has made me realize that i'm a loser. a geek, geekish if you will. oh, i know... impossible... you say. especially my friends who know me for the ever so sophisticated.... shut it. i can hear you laughing.
ok, so i've been known to fall on my ass in the middle of a crowded dance floor, and other slightly less that elegant moments. you don't sprain your right ankle 5 times and your left ankle 6 times by not being a loser (hey, i have a perfectly good explanation for every single sprain. can i help it if i'm doing a conga line drunk on the steap stadium stairs?).
but recently i've realized that the older i get, the more geekish i get. mind you, in a few years, i will have to give up the word geekish (which is still "oh, that's funny but kind of cute"), to embarassing. but i still have a few years for that. now, let me tell you the two things that i realized i do that make me quite the geek.
1. when i cheer for something or when i like something that i see on tv, when i'm watching alone, i cheer out loud and i clap my hands. but that pathetic kind of really speedy silent clap. you know the one, every valley girl has done it in every badly stereotyped teeny bopper movie.
2. when i hear something funny, i will repeat it back to myself quietly, and laugh. (example: one of the guys on 'the daily show' was doing a telephone interview and said something to the effect of "while there is no 'i' in we, there are two in 'dickishness'" - and i said to myself with noone else in the room "dickish" ha ha.)
they're small things, yes, hardly worth the mention. but they're little things that are adding up to make me more and more geekish as i get older. also, i'm think i'm kind of amuzed at how much of a loser i am.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
and faith shall set you free
my faith had dwindled a little bit.
as the day was winding down yesterday, i realized that i had not encountered any "village idiot" syndrome (that's my term that i am looking to copyright cause i believe that if everything else can be a syndrome, so can this - nay, it has to be). i had gone through the entire day and not heard a single idiotic tale.
my heart broke a little when this realization hit me. i mean, lets face it. i'm not really religious. i believe in god, but not really the kind of faith that gets me through the day, through the hard times, through the doubts. my faith is my pillar, but it is based on something entirely different. i believe, in my heart of hearts, that there are a lot of people just too stupid to live. that is what gets me through my day. b/c i realize, no matter how bad my day was, i'm still not as stupid (god at least i hope not) as a lot of THOSE people.
but i stuck it out, till minutes before going to bed, hoping that something would come my way. my faith kept me awake, convincing me that even though i would be very tired in the morning, i would not regret it. so i struggled on, one eye closing, then the next. my head started to do that bobble-head thing, except in slow motion. but i held strong. there were so many possibilities. that was my virtual bible. and then it finally happened.
ah, i am filled with hope again. i am restored. even resurrected.
i can sleep with stupidity fairies in my head.
as the day was winding down yesterday, i realized that i had not encountered any "village idiot" syndrome (that's my term that i am looking to copyright cause i believe that if everything else can be a syndrome, so can this - nay, it has to be). i had gone through the entire day and not heard a single idiotic tale.
my heart broke a little when this realization hit me. i mean, lets face it. i'm not really religious. i believe in god, but not really the kind of faith that gets me through the day, through the hard times, through the doubts. my faith is my pillar, but it is based on something entirely different. i believe, in my heart of hearts, that there are a lot of people just too stupid to live. that is what gets me through my day. b/c i realize, no matter how bad my day was, i'm still not as stupid (god at least i hope not) as a lot of THOSE people.
but i stuck it out, till minutes before going to bed, hoping that something would come my way. my faith kept me awake, convincing me that even though i would be very tired in the morning, i would not regret it. so i struggled on, one eye closing, then the next. my head started to do that bobble-head thing, except in slow motion. but i held strong. there were so many possibilities. that was my virtual bible. and then it finally happened.
ah, i am filled with hope again. i am restored. even resurrected.
i can sleep with stupidity fairies in my head.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
and 777 represents God, so what?
oh people, where to begin?
i was actually hoping SOMETHING would happen today. nothing big, i'm not into suffering and tragedy, but something. but, alas, nothing did. why? well, i'm thinking b/c its just a number and also, b/c no matter how much you try to spin it, its not 666, its 662006. it would have been 666 on the sixth day of the sixth month of the sixth year. and, if we're going to be exact, if you know anything about religion and imperfect people, the christian calendar was translated and when translated it was done wrong, so we're actually four years ahead of where we should be, so, its only 662. ah, that may explain a lot.
so the apocalypse is going to happen 6610, which is really 662010. so that doesn't fit. hmmmm.
and, if we're going to go into this further, even if it is (was?, would be?) 666, its not the end of the world, it only represents the mark of the beast, which has been written to be the beginning of the end. that he who would bring the end to life would be probably born on this day. so the apocalypse could come when the beast grows up.
plus, the combination of 666 has been so common b/c its THE imperfect number, so it comes up through thousands of years of history. and it would be Nero, or so many other people. or it could be something other than a person. and now, b/c scholars can read more of ancient papyrus, it seems that it might even be 616 not 666.
bottom line. sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
i was actually hoping SOMETHING would happen today. nothing big, i'm not into suffering and tragedy, but something. but, alas, nothing did. why? well, i'm thinking b/c its just a number and also, b/c no matter how much you try to spin it, its not 666, its 662006. it would have been 666 on the sixth day of the sixth month of the sixth year. and, if we're going to be exact, if you know anything about religion and imperfect people, the christian calendar was translated and when translated it was done wrong, so we're actually four years ahead of where we should be, so, its only 662. ah, that may explain a lot.
so the apocalypse is going to happen 6610, which is really 662010. so that doesn't fit. hmmmm.
and, if we're going to go into this further, even if it is (was?, would be?) 666, its not the end of the world, it only represents the mark of the beast, which has been written to be the beginning of the end. that he who would bring the end to life would be probably born on this day. so the apocalypse could come when the beast grows up.
plus, the combination of 666 has been so common b/c its THE imperfect number, so it comes up through thousands of years of history. and it would be Nero, or so many other people. or it could be something other than a person. and now, b/c scholars can read more of ancient papyrus, it seems that it might even be 616 not 666.
bottom line. sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
Monday, June 05, 2006
It'll be your own torture. I hope to God it'll torture you to madness.
You should read THIS ARTICLE.
Apparently, there are "hooligans" hanging out in parking lots, blasting their annoying young people music, and riding around in their souped-up cars.
so now, the officials are going to install some loudspeakers and start blasting some Barry Manilow over the waves in order to drive out the "hooligans".
so its kind of like A Clockwork Organge, but... stupid. good god. so, lets not deal with the problem head on, lets just get it out of our respectable neighbourhood with Barry, cause apparently, he's so annoying that them youngsters hate him enough that they will be driven off the respectable white people's property.
and don't get me wrong, other then copacabana, i'd be jettin' out of that parking lot too. any normal person can only stand so much of "mandy". and, by no means am i comparing barry to ludwig, but its kind of the same line of thinking. lets use something artistic, something that should be respected as an aid in designing our present reality of music not to teach "the youth" to respect music and all its forms, lets us it to make them hate it even more and drive them away to listen to their "annoying" young person's music.
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and THIS article is even better. laughed my ass off (not b/c its funny, but b/c its just too stupid). just to recap, a man walks into a lionese den and starts yelling that god will protect him when the lionese jumps on him, severs an artery and kills him. dude, before you attempt stuff like that, be sure god is at least listening. cause at that moment, there was probably an earth quake or something in another part of the world, then god looks over at kiev, and goes "oh shit".
Apparently, there are "hooligans" hanging out in parking lots, blasting their annoying young people music, and riding around in their souped-up cars.
so now, the officials are going to install some loudspeakers and start blasting some Barry Manilow over the waves in order to drive out the "hooligans".
so its kind of like A Clockwork Organge, but... stupid. good god. so, lets not deal with the problem head on, lets just get it out of our respectable neighbourhood with Barry, cause apparently, he's so annoying that them youngsters hate him enough that they will be driven off the respectable white people's property.
and don't get me wrong, other then copacabana, i'd be jettin' out of that parking lot too. any normal person can only stand so much of "mandy". and, by no means am i comparing barry to ludwig, but its kind of the same line of thinking. lets use something artistic, something that should be respected as an aid in designing our present reality of music not to teach "the youth" to respect music and all its forms, lets us it to make them hate it even more and drive them away to listen to their "annoying" young person's music.
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and THIS article is even better. laughed my ass off (not b/c its funny, but b/c its just too stupid). just to recap, a man walks into a lionese den and starts yelling that god will protect him when the lionese jumps on him, severs an artery and kills him. dude, before you attempt stuff like that, be sure god is at least listening. cause at that moment, there was probably an earth quake or something in another part of the world, then god looks over at kiev, and goes "oh shit".
The End of Privacy - Whitaker