Big Wide World

so lisa had another baby this weekend. yeah yeah, i know i know, how wonderful..... focus. this is about me.

i'm freaking out. my friend is on her second baby and i can't grow up enough to stop burning my tongue with burning red sugar. while she ensures the survival of two human beings who are not able to take care of themselves, i try to ensure that my purse matches my coat. while she loving strives to raise good people, i kill my plants (and its a cactus so that's real hard to do), and while.. well, you get the point.

i cannot image being able to raise two helpless little persons who depend on me every minute of every day for their survival, nutrition, love, nurturing etc. i am having a panic attack just thinking about it.

and what makes it worse is that i know i would end up screwing up my kids and they would end up either spoiled rotten princesses with no real thought in her head or the testosterone jerk who does the gun salut at a bar and is a complete bigot. i mean, i know i could take a lot. i can handle freaks, and sexual orientation is not a problem, i can handle crossdressing and lazy pot smoking teenagers. but i could not handle "those girls" (like, oh my god, i think i broke a nail) and "those guys" (hey honey, do you wanna watch how much weights i can press while i watch myself in the mirror).

give me the cross-dressing alternative sexual orientation freak pot smoking teenager any day. which, just cause i know how screwed up i can get (and i have a rather colourful family that would help things along) is going to be the choice i am going to get offered. god is personally going to come down, laughing and mocking me, and he's going to say "dude..." (puff) [yes god smokes and calls me dude], "this is your choice, do you choose a. or b.?". and i'm, like, sooooo going with the former.

i am destined to screw up my children. or i'll end up an old woman with a thousand cats.

but congrats lisa on a beautiful new baby girl (and a beautiful soon to be 2 year old son).