Big Wide World

i have died and gone to hell. and hell is a place in which you have the money and great malls with all the perfect little sweaters and purses, and everything is just exactly what you wanted, but you have no energy to buy them. that is my personal hell.

i know, there are worse things in the world. people are dying of disease and hunger, maria carey wishes she was as thin as those children in the third world countries who are surrounded by flies, people are getting stoned for expressing their opinions or natural desires.... but i'm in hell b/c i have more money than i've ever had, there are a lot of really cute things to buy, but i can't muster the energy to get into a mall (oh my god, a mall, i'm drooling and in excruciating pain all at the same time).

i am shallow.... i am materialistic... my favourite song when i was like 10 or something was Material Girl. i have no guilt in admitting this. i like things.. pretty things, shiny things. though i don't think i've ever looked at a starving desperate child in some poor third world country, and think "oh, they are soooo lucky, they are so thin".

but is having the energy to shop asking for that much? i mean, we all have our salvation. some do it thru religion, some thru meditation, others thu drugs.... mine happens to be shopping.

and i'm going thru withdrawls. for example, yesterday i had a nightmare that i was a pirate (shut it, at least i was the only femal pirate surrounded by nice looking male pirates) and i found really pretty glowing natural rocks. mind you, in the end, i heard the men plotting to kill me for them. but that's besides the point. i'm dreaming of shiny THINGS.

i am soulless, shallow, i have no depth. like you're any better.